A Daiyako tale

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A Daiyako tale Empty A Daiyako tale

Mensagem por Convidado em Sex Ago 17, 2012 1:07 am

Está em inglês, pois queria escrever algo DIRETO em inglês. Deve ter erros gramaticais/palavras, mas aí cês me dão um toque que eu corrijo :3

Btw, o Lukas corrigiu meus fails... Editando o post xD

In a distant place, there was a kingdom. And who ruled it was The Great Sun. The king was loved by the people, and by their royal knights.

He had five loyal knights: The Dragon, The Wolf, The Moon, The Sword and The Angel. The most loyal of them was The Dragon one, who never discorded the laws, the King's word and decisions. The Angel one was The Wolf's younger brother.

The kingdom was living in peace... Until the day that The Dragon met a young and kind lady... The Holy Light, who was the younger sister of the king. The knight fell in love at the first sight, but he could not get along with her... Because of the king.

The Great Sun loved his sister so much and didn't let any man to date her until her eighteen years. The Dragon decided to wait instead of confessing his feelings for her and getting the king's permission to date the young lady.

Months later, he discovered that one of his comrades had a crush on her. As the most loyal, the knight thought the only man who could make the lady happy was him, and ignored the others. His desires and feelings made him forget the laws and the chivalry. The Dragon knight let his feelings control himself... And he started to search who was his "enemy".

Then... He found it. His "enemy" was The Angel, who was the second loyal one. The Dragon didn't like it, because he isn't only a friend, but his rival. They had a good friend-rival relationship and this made them so strong and determined to protect the kingdom, the people and the king. The Dragon one was a bit confused now... And tried to find another way to solve his problem... But he didn't. And the worst thing happened.

He betrayed them. Because he loved the young lady, he led his comrade to the forest beyond the hills and fought The Angel. And during the battle... He finished his partner. No one discovered what happened there... Until the day when a woman found The Angel's body in the forest.

The king was surprised and unbeliever... One of his best and strong knights was killed. The Wolf became mad and accused The Dragon for it, because The Angel's older brother noticed how suspected The Dragon was acting a few weeks ago. And the culprit yelled that it was a lie. But it wasn't. And Someday they will find the truth. The Moon, who was the best friend of him, tried to defend The Dragon... But It was useless when The Sword found the The Dragon's sword with scratches and cracks marks, clamming a battle.

The Moon didn't believe it, and asked him. He couldn't not lie anymore, and he decided to reveal the truth. And the real story made The Wolf more angry with him, asking the king to execute the younger knight for his crime. The Great Sun didn't say nothing, but inside his mind, he kept confused and unbeliever... Why could the one who vowed loyalty to him, to his kingdom, the people and the chivalry do something so unforgivable?! How dare The Dragon killed his comrade and lie to the others?! No... The question was... Why he murdered The Angel?!

So... The king wanted to hear The Dragon's reasons to commit such an horrible act. But The Dragon didn't want to tell it, and king would condemn him to be executed. He preferred to keep quiet and escape from the kingdom. His plan didn't work and he was arrested. He tried to escape again and fought against his own friends... This time he had a successful result. He disappeared and no one from the kingdom knows what happened to him.

The Dragon was felt horrible for his crimes, and a very shameful for them. He decided to live in an abandoned castle in the hills.

Most of the people from the kingdom avoided going there, because him. Also, The Dragon knight gained a new name from the villagers: The Silent Knight.

One day, a beautiful and courageous lady with a purple hair went to the forest, searching for apples. She heard the rumours, but the girl didn't care about it. It's only rumours, right? No, it wasn't... Because he was out from the castle, walking around the forest. If he met her... The girl could be die or something.

The lady kept looking for the apple trees, without taking care if a wild animal or a thief could appear here and kill or stole her. A few minutes later, the girl found a terrible monster who has a appearance similar to a Tyrannosaur. It was orange with some blue stripes on his back and he was wearing a brown skull-shaped helmet. She ran away from the monster, but he followed the lady. Our brave woman jumped into a tree and climbed on to its top, to escape from the creature. Unfortunately, the monster shot from his mouth a fireball and burned the tree...

The young lady could be killed... But someone saved her at time. The shadow ran away from the monster and led the girl to a safe place. She was unconscious, so she didn't see who helped her.

One hour later, the girl woke up and looked around, wondering what happened and where was the monster. She rose from the bed and examined the room, trying to discover where she was. Suddenly the door of this room was opened, the woman looked back and then she saw a strange boy who was (maybe one year) younger than her. They looked to each other for a few minutes, without saying any word.

So, he broke the silence, asking if she was okay, if she didn't get hurt by that creature and why she was doing in the forest. The girl replied, saying she was fine, she got hurt a little, and the last question she answered with another question: "Why?"

Then, he thought for a bit, then, he replied her, talking about the dangerous from this forest. She said that she didn't care about it and that she could handle herself. But he kept warning her about the monsters, the thieves, murderers... But the girl said once more: "I'm not scared."

He smiled, and commented how brave she was. The lady thanked him, and asked where they are. And the silence was the answer. Two minutes ago, the courageous woman noticed that they were inside a castle. But what's wrong with it, you are wondering right? That castle was the same abandoned one. And the boy...

But she didn't care, although he... who was too shameful with his crimes, didn't tell his name to her when she asked. He didn't explain why did he help her. He only wanted to be alone. But he could not let her be killed by that creature... So he saved her.

"Why are you asking me these questions?", he asked her. She looked at him and saw how he felt so bad for something... "Why are you here?", She asked again.

He refused to say, and this made the girl a bit upset. And the lady kept asking asking asking ASKING until he shouted "BE QUIET, YOU ANNOYING GIRL!". Then, looking into her eyes, he decided to tell her the truth, that he ran away from the kingdom because his betrayal, for killing The Wolf's younger brother. And to her, he said his reason... He did it because he was fell in love. He loved The Great Sun's younger sister and he wanted to get along with her. After his confession, he told her how much he was shameful and regretful for his crimes.

The lady looked at him in silence. Then... She put her hand on his shoulder and smiled. The girl said "If you are really regretful for murdering your comrade, you should go and tell it to the king and to the others. You must show how you're feeling horrible for your act.", and completed her phrase, "You need to forgive yourself to be forgiven by the others too."

Theses advices made him felt a bit better, but not too much... He thanked the girl and said "you're right... A real knight recognizes his mistakes and tries to fix them.", and smiled back.

She stayed in the castle with him in the whole night, because the girl couldn't turn her back on him. And in the next morning, they came back to the kingdom.
The Dragon/Silent Knight faced the king, who was surprised to meet him after several months, and confessed to The Great Sun. The king forgave him after seeing The Dragon was so regretful for his crimes... And gave him a second chance.

The Wolf didn't like it, but the king explained. And later... In the same night, The Dragon apologized for killing The Wolf's younger brother. And, like the others... The Wolf forgave him, but told to his partner to not let your feelings take control of himself again or he will make him pay for it. The Dragon was scared, but promised to control his feelings.

And the peace turned to reign in the kingdom...

And The Holy Light didn't date anyone, because The Great Sun was worried if something similar could happen again.

Última edição por Daisuke Kaizaa em Sex Ago 17, 2012 1:47 pm, editado 4 vez(es)

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A Daiyako tale Empty Re: A Daiyako tale

Mensagem por Takuya em Sex Ago 17, 2012 1:22 am

Você matou mesmo o Takeru! Mesmo assim, adorei a fic. Tenho a impressão de que a leitura flui melhor com o texto em inglês, mas isso deve ser coisa minha. Não achei a escrita ruim, achei muito boa até, já li fics escritas com inglês terrível nos fanfictions da vida... não sou expert, mas não percebi nenhum erro grave na escrita. E sobre a história, curti muito, curtinha, tem começo, meio e fim, a história flui bem, a narrativa é bem amarrada,e adorei o final (Hikari acabou encalhada kkkkkk). No geral, achei bem gostosinha de ler, do jeito que eu gosto <3

Só pra ter certeza, me diga se estou certo:

The Dragon = Daisuke
The Great Sun = Taichi
The Holy Light = Hikari
The Angel = Takeru
The Wolf = Yamato
The Moon = ? (não consegui identificar)
The Sword = ? (não consegui identificar)

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